Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
