i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
