Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
