She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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