She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
