dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
