my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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