My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
