it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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