You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
