i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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