I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
