Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
