Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
