she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
