kristin has been a bad kristin
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
