Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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