haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
