go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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