my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
