I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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