Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
