Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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