I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
