did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
