I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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