god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
