Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
