I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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