I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
