I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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