problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
