i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
