So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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