someone get that fucking seahorse.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
