Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
