who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
