she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
