woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
