so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
