I can text with my tongue
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
