I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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