Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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