we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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