my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
