Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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