u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
