I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
