...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
