Well apparently he's into motor boating.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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