forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
