Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
