I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
