Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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