Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We are two peas in an std pod
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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