I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
