I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
