i don't like sucking hair
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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