If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
