God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
