areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
