i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
