sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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