Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
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