Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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