i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
