I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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