I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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