wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
