i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
