I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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