her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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