just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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