I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize